So, I Did that Onsen Thing Again...

So, yesterday my host mom said "Tonight, we're going to the ONSEN!!!!!!" My host-mom cheered, Hikari cheered, Nozomi cheered... I fake-cheered. Don't get me wrong, those onsens sure are great... ish. They do feel nice and it's a key part of Japanese culture. It's still just hard to break my American mindset of "I don't want to be naked next to you." I'm not embarrassed to be naked next to all the Japanese guys. I don't even care that they stare at me hardcore. I got used to that. What I don't like is sitting in the same bath as other people naked. Those baths are hot as fuck and there's a lot of old fellas in there; I know there's no way a little pee doesn't sneak it's way into that bath.


I knew it was going to be awkward since my host dad wasn't going to be coming, I was going into the mens side alone. uuuuuuuugh. It's weird when you have no one to follow around. First I showed up with out any soap. All the onsens I went to in Nagoya had soap and shampoo and conditioner at the showering stations. The showering stations are all open and you sit down when you shower so everyone can see you. It's a big deal to clean off HARDCORE before you get in that bath. There's a true science to it. You can start with you hair, wash it put the conditioner in and let it sit. meanwhile, scrub the rest of your body until it's red. There's gotta be a layer of soap suds on you like you've never seen before. Scrub your feet, you legs, you ass, you chest, your back... the whole deal. Then you rinse off and THEN you're ready. I didn't have any soap. So I had to buy it at the vending machine in the locker room. Do you know fucking weird it is to use a vending machine when you're naked. I'd already undressed when I realized my problem. I also didn't have one of those mini cover-you-junk-towels that they usually give out at onsens. So I had to buy one of those. So I was totally stark naked using this machine. It was a true realization of a dream, that's for god damned sure.

So I get my stuff, i showed and rinse and scrub myself til I'm almost bleeding. Then I get in the least-hot bath. It was alright. I just sat there for a while. Then I got in the bath with jets in it. That's fine. Then I got in the bath where the water was extra-brown. I'm hoping this was because it was a "tea" bath and not because of some unfortunate accident in the bath from earlier. There was only one other person in it and they were old. Maybe there were even dead. I worked my way up to the "second to highest temperature bath" (there's gotta be a better way to phrase that.) It was really hot. 110 degrees F hot. Whatevs, I handled it. I went in at the same time as another dude and he was old. So we battled it out for who could last longer (I won, he got out after like 3 minutes, I lasted like 3 minutes and 45 seconds). Meanwhile this creepy guy with black teeth talked to me. He was like (in Japanese) "So rare! It's so rare to see a foreigner in here." "yeah." "Are you here for work or school?" "School?" "Homestay?" "yep." "Where?" "Kunebetsu." "I live in Kunebetsu!" "Oh great!" "Yeah we should get together some time." "heh. heh. Yeah (Never. Never. ever. ever, sir)" "What is your address?" "Ooooh, I don't know." "Are you here alone at the onsen?" "No, my host mom is in the ladies side." "Ooooh. Ok. Do you have a ride home?" "Yes. (Are you fuckin hitting on me while we're sitting naked next to each other in a giant bath of brown water?)" "Oooh ok, well I'm going in the sauna. come on in later if you want!" "Yeah! ok. (nooooooope.)"

I went to the outdoor baths. They were alright. They had one that was called the "Walking bath" where it's a small path that goes in a circle and it's deep. It's basically like walking in a pool, except it's hot." I decided to try this out. There were a few fold men making laps in there. It went up to their neck/shoulders. It went up to my waist. halfway through my first lap I realized I was probably in some disgusting jetstream/wake of two old mens sweaty bathwater and possibly urine. So I decided to get it really quickly. Unfortunately since it was a loop I had to finish my second loop to get to the exit stairs.

I finally made it out and made a brief appearance in the "HOTTEST BATH" which is about 115 degrees F. That didn't last long, I promise you. I just had to try it.

All in all. It was awkward. It can be relaxing at times, sure. But it can also be a very awkward and not-welcoming experience. This time it was a little bit-o-both. I'll be sure to keep everyone updates on my next trip there since it's bound to happen again soon.

-Mike