Dinner Tonight...

Today I had some of my favorite conversations/encounters with my host family yet...

My host mom called me down for dinner and the conversation went roughly like this (I'm honestly doing my best to not exaggerate any of the language here at all.)

Mama: The twins aren't home from school yet, I'm starting to get worried.
Me: Yeah, it's almost six thirty, when do they usually get home?
Mama: Just around six. I hope they weren't kidnapped.
Me:I hope so too.
Mama: Do they have that in America?
Me: Of course! But it's a little more rare now.
Mama: In Asia, recently they have been kidnapping kids and stealing their organs to sell. Oh my god. What if they stole the twins because they wanted their organs!?! Do you think they did??? When it starts to get dark around here weird people come out! Should I look for them??
Me: I'm sure they're fine, do you want me to go walk down to the corner and see if I see them?
Mama: What if they're kidnapped? We don't have anything to fulfill the ransom!! There's literally nothing in the house! Do you think I could trade myself for them? I'm not as cute as them, but do you think I could trade myself? We have a lot of baked goods... that's about it. I'm going to look for them on my bike
------ five minutes later-------
The twins and the mom return
Mama: You should have heard Mike, he was SO worried about you two!

The second happening was at the dinner table...
For dinner we had chilled Ramen with veggies and eggs. Then my host mom made two giant plates of french fries (I guess kids love the same food all around the world)

Hikari:POTATOES!!!! Mike, don't eat ANY of them, please. These are all are mine.
Hikari begins to wolf down french fries
Nozomi:HIKARI! DON'T EAT ALL OF THEM THIS TIME!!!
Mama: Hikari! Eat some of your Ramen. That's gross, you're eating like an animal. Mike will think we live in a zoo.
Hikari stops eating for a brief moment to open her mouth and show her chewed food to her mom, then her sister.
Nozomi: HIKARI! That's GROSS! Now I don't want to eat...
Hikari: Good, all the potatoes are mine.
Nozomi slaps Hikari's hands and steals some potatoes and laughs. She enjoys a mouthful of ramen.
Hikari leans to one side and farts on Nozomi, she laughs as she has successfully disgusted her sister.
Nozomi stops chewing and lets the food fall from her mouth and quietly says "I am no longer hungry."
Mama laughs at them both.
Hikari continues to eat with both hands stuffing french fries in her face, only stopping to drink some tea.
Mama:You eat like a boy! Eat some Ramen! You haven't had any! you're being rude!
Hikari slams her empty cup down in front of her mom as if to say "Fill this cup up NOW!"
Mama: Say, "Please fill this cup."
Hikari slams the cup again.
Mama: Say Please fill this cup! Don't be rude! You are a little boy! Be polite!
Hikari slams the cup again.
Mama: You'll never get a boyfriend!
Nozomi: Mom, will I ever get a boyfriend?
Mama: Yes, it will be Kenichi.
Nozomi shyly smiles to herself and then quickly steals more french fries.
Hikari farts on Nozomi again and again smiles in her success in disgusting her sister.
Mama:HIKARI! Disgusting! Check between your legs and see if a penis has grown.
Hikari stops chewing and looks down between her legs.
Nozomi steals more french fries.
Nozomi shoots me a look saying "get em while you can!" I steal a handful of french fries as well.
Hikari creates a barricade around her food, including the french fries. This barricade consists o a bottle of water, cups, a pitcher of tea, and a box of tissues. She eats all but one last french fry.
I give Nozomi "the cue" I reach for the fry and Hikari quickly grabs my hand with both of hers laughing at my pity attempt to steal her gold. Nozomi goes in for the kill and steals it while Hikari is busy with me. Hikari screams. Nozomi splits the fry in half with me. We celebrate our victory with ketchup. Hikari farts on Nozomi.

I can't make this stuff up. I swear it happened and tears were streaming down my face when it was over.