Trains, Trains, Trains, Trains

I'm not sure what it is about me, whether it's my incredibly pliable and stretchy skin, beatufully thick eye brows, thin hair, or pale semi-transparent skin... but it seems that I'm a very approachable person in public. Not all Japanese people think this, especially my Japanese Peers. Those who DO like to approach me are old men, small small children, old women, then last is probably junior high boys. Junior high girls will approach me, but only when in large groups. I think nearly everytime I ride the train, an old man will at least look, smile, and wave at me. I do get a frequent conversation though and they usually seem to be pretty crazy conversations...

While at a train station my friend and I decided to take the elevator down to the subway. As the elevator arrived we heard an old man go "It COMES SO FAST!" (but in Japanese). We tried to hold back our laughter. Then, the entire ride down the elevator he wouldn't stop saying "Irashhai!" Ira-Ira-Ira-IrasSHAI!!!!" This is the word people say when you enter stores and restaurants to welcome you to the store. When we got to the bottom he said "That was fast wasn't it?" and we nodded and walked away. We met up with our other friends who took the stairs and suddenly the old man appears in our little circle out of nowhere. He kept telling me that the train was coming and we should get ready. He then laughed at us and he said he was laughing because we were laughing at him. It was awkward. But funny. I made him sound like he was a crazy person. He was. But he wasn't REALLY. He was just a nice old man trying to make us laugh. (He was crazy.)

We rode the train one stop, transferred to the train home and of course what happens? An old man comes and talks again. He asks us where we are from, then he goes off into this elaborate story about how he used to be a high school teacher, he retired and went to America and went to Boston, Indiana, San Francisco, San Diego, and then came back and decided to be a principal. Then apparently 10 years ago the Emperor of Japan invited him and his wife to his house and gave him a giant medal. He explained this while puffing his chest out and pretended to show off his invisible medal. Then he got off the train.

Of course there is the couple who talked to Matt and I and invited us over. The old man from that couple acts in Noh Theater and is a Flute Master apparently. They also live in a giant giant house and have a Noh Theater in their home (this was confirmed by Matt, he went to their house and survived. I wonder though...).

Today an old man with a giant Blue leather purse sat down next to me and talked to me for a while. He had the worst breath I've ever smelled in my entire life. But he was nice. I knew he wasn't crazy because his daughter was with him and she talked to me too. God, his breath was horrible though.

The other night two older men from Vietnam had a nice convo with me on the train. We were both practicing our Japanese on each other.

OH! Another weird one this afternoon. I was standing on a train and an older man who was clearly really rich (He had a fancy sport jacket on with a really dumb looking purple vest with horses on under it) SLAPPED me. He pushed me and slapped me. Not hard. Very subtley too. The train was kiiiinda crowded. By Japanese standards, it wasn't very crowded. This guy gets on, kinda bumps me with his hip, then pushes/slaps me out of his way. I wasn't sure if I should make a big deal out of it but something seemed fishy so here is what happened... I grabbed his arm as he was walking away and pulled him over to me. I got real close to his face and said "You think you can just push me, but you have NO idea who I am. If this were my territory you'd be in pieces before you even touched me." (In Japanese) he said "Good thing it's my territory and I have eight men on this train who have weapons pointed at your brain!! right now!!!! Make your move, Mister bucko!" (In Japanese, also). I scream for everyone to hit the deck and pull the emergency stop chord. The train slams to a stop and everyone hits the floor, including his goons. I grab the man and jump out onto the tracks. I see the rear train conductor and motion for him to drive off. He does as told. He'll obviously rewarded later, generously. The old man says "Hah, fine, you got me alone now, but what do you think can happen." I say "All I want, is that purple sweater." "You don't deserve to wear this sweater." "Oh yeah? I'll tell you what I do and do not deserve" and in one swift move, the sweater is on me. His inner circuits are exposed. The man is clearly a robot. "I KNEW IT! You're one of the MWE908 DROIDS!" I splash water on him and deflect his punch as I roll flip off of the tracks JUST in time to miss the train that crushes the evil MWE980 Droid. One down, four more to go.

But yeah, an old man in a purple vest really did push/slap me. After that wasn't true. (You probably knew though, since Japanese trains OBVIOUSLY don't have an emergency stop cable.)

I think this blog will ruin my reputation with a lot of people. People I work for and some of my teachers read this I think. I don't tend to be this strange, but I need some sort of random creative silly output for these thoughts. But do feel free to leave comments on these, it's always exciting to see who reads these. Even if the comment is "Yep, definitely semi-transparent." or "Yeah, you DO have thick eyebrows."

Countdown to the Naked Man Festival: 4 Days